When a soldier falls or a terror victim is murdered, two women in their lives are often left bound together in grief: the mother who raised him and the wife who shared his life. Sometimes, they have known each other for years, and sometimes, only through family gatherings. But in the wake of tragedy, their lives become intertwined in profoundly complex ways.

Although both suffer acute loss, the experience of that loss differs. The widow mourns a partner and a future that will never unfold. The mother loses a child, her own flesh and blood. Both are shattered but not always in ways that are easily understood by the other. And in that gap, tension may emerge and impact an already fragile relationship.

Recognizing this uniquely sensitive dynamic, OneFamily, Israel’s leading support organization for terror victims and bereaved families, launched a pioneering new approach: joint therapeutic retreats for bereaved mothers and their daughters-in-law, designed to foster empathy, communication, and renewed connection.

The idea surfaced through lived experience rather than policy. Yael Shevach, a OneFamily widow coordinator and widow herself, said she had repeatedly heard from women who longed for a safe, structured space to understand one another better.

In her work with widows, she encountered recurring challenges. One of these was that a widow might hope to remarry, but found herself facing hesitation from her in-laws, unsure how her new future would fit into the family’s ongoing grief.

Families sometimes struggled with disagreements over how to raise young children who were themselves coping with loss. The women often expressed grief in very different ways, leading to misunderstandings when one felt the other was not mourning “correctly.” Throughout the process, family bonds can become strained by the weight of sorrow, unspoken emotions, and the difficulty of navigating life after tragedy together.

“OneFamily isn’t there to fix a relationship,” said Leah, a OneFamily social worker. “We are there to create the conditions where new understanding can take root.”

The result was a pilot retreat program that, according to OneFamily, is already changing lives.

A retreat like no other

OneFamily recently brought together 20 pairs of widows and mothers-in-law for a full day of guided dialogue, workshops and shared healing. The retreat included activities from art, movement and team-building to carefully constructed sessions that allowed the women to speak openly about their past pain and their hopes for the future.

The goal was not to erase grief, according to OneFamily. It was to create a shared language through which each woman could see the other’s grief, challenges and humanity.

Tami, 28, lost her husband in a terror attack two years ago and was left raising two small children. OneFamily supported her from the first days of shivah, offering everything from regular check-ins to National Service help so she could stabilize her young family.

When she was invited to attend a retreat with her mother-in-law, she did not hesitate.

“I was very excited,” she said. “I love her dearly. But whenever I visit her, I am with the kids, she is busy cooking and taking care of us, and we never have quiet time just for us. The retreat gave us something we almost never get, the gift of time.”

During a photography workshop, pairs photographed one another to highlight strengths they saw in each other, then shared those reflections aloud.

“It was wonderful,” Tami recalled. “To hear her speak about me that way … it warmed my heart and strengthened our relationship.”

Before the tragedy, Tami and her mother-in-law were connected by the son who united them. Afterward, grief was added to that bond. The retreat offered a healthier way to navigate it.

Navigating life after loss

Tami recently remarried, building a new family while still holding her late husband in her heart. It is a delicate balance.

“I am essentially married to two men,” she said. “I am navigating my new husband’s relationship with my children while mourning that they never got the chance to grow up with their father.”

Many families struggle with this transition. But Tami believed she had been blessed.

“Even during the shivah, my in-laws told my parents they hoped I would remarry one day,” she recalled. “Later, they told me directly. They said I deserve to be happy.”

Her in-laws embraced her new marriage and even welcomed her new husband’s son from a previous marriage as one of their own grandchildren.

“It is not easy for them,” Tami said. “Seeing the children connect with someone who is not their son makes the loss sharper. But we talk openly about it, and they are happy for us. That honesty brings us closer.”

For Miriam Glum of Netanya, whose 32-year-old son Yochai was killed in battle in Gaza last year, the retreat deepened a bond she already valued.

“I would be happy to go again,” she says. “We enjoyed the time together, and I believe it can help other women who go through something so terrible.”

The retreat helped her articulate emotions that often remain unspoken.

“I have always loved her,” she explained. “But after the tragedy, I love her even more. Whenever she visits with their children, it does wonders for me. They are a piece of Yochai.”

While people sometimes assume the mother suffers most, Miriam said this was not always the case. “She lost the love of her life. My sorrow pales in comparison to hers. She was left to raise two little children on her own.”

Time does not heal, Miriam stated. “We just learn to live alongside it.”

A national need

Since the Oct. 7 war began, more than 300 new widows have been registered in Israel. Each represents a shattered family and an entire circle of people thrown into grief.

OneFamily supports them with a wide network that includes more than 50 peer groups, trauma-focused therapies, educational and financial assistance, and regular home visits.

The joint retreats for widows and mothers-in-law are the newest addition to this continuum of care.

A OneFamily coordinator recalled a moment during one retreat when a widow and her mother-in-law sat together, hands intertwined, speaking softly. One said, “She watches over me, and I watch over her.”

Those words have since become a quiet motto for the program—an expression of shared loss, shared love and the hope of learning to heal together.

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